Are Fatherless Black Women Doomed to Repeat the Cycle?
YES or NO and WHY? Daddy was not in the household to raise them. So, is it possible for this type of women, born after 1970, from this type of household, to truly understand the significance of a father in the lives of their own children? We all learn by example. We learn by what we experienced (saw, heard, felt, etc.) while growing-up. If a fatherless home was her experience, in all probability, she will repeat the cycle. Very, very seldom will any of us come across someone, from this type of household, who has had extensive psychological counseling to address and reverse some of those tendencies that will lead to repeating the cycle.
Why is this important? It is important because the "nuclear" family structure, for the majority of the African-American Race, is in shambles! The continuation of this trend is a death sentence for the race! If your answer to the question is YES, Black Women are doomed to repeat the cycle, than why are we not doing whatever it takes to break it; what are you doing? If you answered NO to the question than why are over 75% of the African-American households run by a single parent, 98% of which are headed by a female and 71% of our births are to unwed mothers? Are you the Head of a Single Parent Household?
This is not the first generation to experience this occurrence. This generation is usually the 3rd, if not the 4th or more, generation of this ruinous pattern. See a problem? We need to break this cycle if we are to flourish and compete as a strong, cohesive people! There are ways to accomplish this if we will only embrace them, says Lex Drás, author of "It’s Mama’s Fault!" (www.MamasFault.com) Emphasis needs to be place on the problem before it starts not wearing out your knees waiting for a miracle after-the-fact, wishing and hoping everything will be okay. Hello, Hello! Faith without WORKs is dead! If unwed mothers would do this one thing (pg. 73), I guarantee you a tremendous shift in the aforementioned dismal statistics would occur.
Oh, you think this is B.S.? Okay, Do me and yourself a favor and find 10 Black people, who grew-up without a father in the household, who are now married (and have been for 10 plus years), to the parent of all their children. Having trouble finding them? Yea, I guess so! That is because only 2-3 out of 10 Blacks grew-up with two parents in the household, which translates into most not having a clue on how to sustain a marriage. Still thinking, "So What!" Just overlay that statistic with the other issues that plagues our community and you will see why we must break the cycle! The point is that how can one expect to have a successful marriage, and raise well adjusted children, when they did not live an example (pg. 70) of one growing-up? Successful marriages don’t just happen, they are learned.
For someone raised in a fatherless household, it will be typical for him or her to believe there is no problem. Why would they believe there is no problem? Because this is the only life they have known and all of their associations (family, friends, community, etc.) have known so they usually are not objective in these cases (pg. 150). I want to hear especially from those of you who have experienced this up bringing, think the situation is a problem and have suggestions and solutions on how to break the cycle.
Why is this important? It is important because the "nuclear" family structure, for the majority of the African-American Race, is in shambles! The continuation of this trend is a death sentence for the race! If your answer to the question is YES, Black Women are doomed to repeat the cycle, than why are we not doing whatever it takes to break it; what are you doing? If you answered NO to the question than why are over 75% of the African-American households run by a single parent, 98% of which are headed by a female and 71% of our births are to unwed mothers? Are you the Head of a Single Parent Household?
This is not the first generation to experience this occurrence. This generation is usually the 3rd, if not the 4th or more, generation of this ruinous pattern. See a problem? We need to break this cycle if we are to flourish and compete as a strong, cohesive people! There are ways to accomplish this if we will only embrace them, says Lex Drás, author of "It’s Mama’s Fault!" (www.MamasFault.com) Emphasis needs to be place on the problem before it starts not wearing out your knees waiting for a miracle after-the-fact, wishing and hoping everything will be okay. Hello, Hello! Faith without WORKs is dead! If unwed mothers would do this one thing (pg. 73), I guarantee you a tremendous shift in the aforementioned dismal statistics would occur.
Oh, you think this is B.S.? Okay, Do me and yourself a favor and find 10 Black people, who grew-up without a father in the household, who are now married (and have been for 10 plus years), to the parent of all their children. Having trouble finding them? Yea, I guess so! That is because only 2-3 out of 10 Blacks grew-up with two parents in the household, which translates into most not having a clue on how to sustain a marriage. Still thinking, "So What!" Just overlay that statistic with the other issues that plagues our community and you will see why we must break the cycle! The point is that how can one expect to have a successful marriage, and raise well adjusted children, when they did not live an example (pg. 70) of one growing-up? Successful marriages don’t just happen, they are learned.
For someone raised in a fatherless household, it will be typical for him or her to believe there is no problem. Why would they believe there is no problem? Because this is the only life they have known and all of their associations (family, friends, community, etc.) have known so they usually are not objective in these cases (pg. 150). I want to hear especially from those of you who have experienced this up bringing, think the situation is a problem and have suggestions and solutions on how to break the cycle.
Posted by Lex D at 5/25/2009 6:10 PM 
Categories: uncategorized
Tags: Fatherless-Household Solutions Marriage Poverty Divorce
Categories: uncategorized
Tags: Fatherless-Household Solutions Marriage Poverty Divorce
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7/27/2009 10:56 PM
Its Mamas Fault, Poor Decisions, Unwed Mothers, Illegitimate Births, Abandoned Children, Awareness wrote:
The reality is that Illegitimate Births infiltrate every segment of our society. The only pertinent question that a Radio or TV Producer or Journalist may need to ask is "In what segment do I want to report on the issue of Illegitimate Births, from a PREVENTION prospective?" ... -
7/30/2009 1:18 PM
Its Mamas Fault, Unwed Mothers, Illegitimate Births, Abandoned Children, Fatherless, Prevention wrote:
The reality is that Illegitimate Births infiltrate every segment of our society. The only pertinent question that a Radio or TV Producer or Journalist may need to ask is "In what segment do I want to report on the issue of Illegitimate Births, from a PREVENTION prospective?" ... -
8/6/2009 6:16 AM
Its Mamas Fault, Unwed Mothers, Illegitimate Births, Abandoned Children, Fatherless, Prevention wrote:
The reality is that Illegitimate Births infiltrate every segment of our society. The only pertinent question that a Radio or TV Producer or Journalist may need to ask is "In what segment do I want to report on the issue of Illegitimate Births, from a PREVENTION prospective?" ...
I.S.C. Re-posted Comment from May 29, 2009 at 8:14pm
I think its alot deeper than just assigning the blame to lack of fathers. The issue of fatherless homes is not a new issue. But the response to the particular issue has changed over the years. If we want to refer to women born before 1970, we have to look at their characteristics both personal and interpersonal. We have to look at what the morals of the average person were back before 1970 and how they are now. For instance, back in the day, it was taboo for a woman to have a child out of wedlock. Divorce was taboo because ironically, it was against the teachings of the bible. Now a days, having a baby out of wedlock is the thing to do... sort of like a rite of passage for women women graduating high school. And its becoming easier to divorce than it is to get married.
While I havnt done any scientific sociological studies related to the matter, I have made educated observations of at least 12 young women in my age range. All women were raised by single mothers and had become single mothers themselves. The oldest mother of the selected females had a 17 year age difference. From what I gathered, it seems that now a days women who have babies at a young age (13-17) are highly likely to have kids who become single parents themselves. I partially blame this on the independent mindset alot of females have. Kids grow up in this setting, seeing how mommy can do it all on her own, hearing how daddy is a good for nothing deadbeat, and accepting this as how society is. I believe this factor turns the problem into a repeating cycle. Back in the day, marriage was important. Now a days, these kids who create babies have marriage as the last things on their mind. Their good for nothing parents have no problem distributing condoms to their kids but when it comes to doing some real parenting, sitting down with the kid and talking to them about the importance of relationships and marriage, they dont know what to say. Possibly because they never had anyone to tell them anything of that nature.
Nuclear families are important. I feel that way because they provide a living example to kids, something they often hear about but cant fathom. A kid seeing how a husband is supposed to love his wife/wife supposed to love her husband trumps over single parenting. And I dont mean to bash single parents. You all have my respect for hanging in there and doing two jobs at once, but I feel we need to regain our sense for family. Yes there were single parents prior to 1970, but many of those kids had father figures in family members and community members. If they didnt have that, then they had strong motherly figures... factors that we continue to lack in the black community. As a community, we are quick to point out problems... but when it comes to actually doing something, stepping up to the plate and taking an unselfish approach to solving it, we get quiet.
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I.S.C. Reposted comment from May 29, 2009
You are dead on in that it is a mindset. We are dealing with a cultural mindset that says illegitimate births are all right. We are dealing with women, evident by the environment in which they are raising children, that a father not in the home is okay (pg. 150 of “It’s Mama’s Fault!”). When it comes down to kids, what are they suppose to think? I tell you what they ain’t thinking about and that is the sanctity of marriage! Where are they going to learn about the concept of marriage, their Mama? How can they, by example?
My experience is as an Investment Banker, Business Consultant and Military Operative. In all three areas, it was paramount that we CLEARLY defined every problem before moving forward on resource (multi-million dollar) worthy solutions because so much was riding on our decision; Company’s future, Money or most importantly, Lives. Yes, I believe I have defined what the problem is in “It’s Mama’s Fault!” and yes, I believe I have the solution. The only question there is to ask now is how many people can help me implement it! The ongoing discussions (like on this website) are to determine what exactly is the problem. My approach is using logic and statistical data to prove my point, not speculation or feelings. It is very important to find willing participants all on the same page because-without them, we cannot move the ship forward on a local scale not to mention a national one! I have the curriculum but I need the financial resources, intellectual talent to teach it and facilities to house the programs. This is my plan, these are some of my challenges.
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I.S.C. Re-posted Comment from May 29, 2009 at 8:26pm
Hey Lex , let me throw out my immediate thoughts on this subject. I get to work with young men on a daily basis. From what I see young men when brought up in a fatherless home tend to react to situations differently then from a strong nuclear family.Or that of a young man that has a strong, positive role model in his life. I tend to see that fatherless youth tend to react to negative stimuli almost just as a woman would. Whereas a woman tends to react first andd think about the conseqences later. A young man is suppose to be taught to think about the conseqences before the reaction. Which to me is one of the reasons that our youth are killing themselves at such at such a alarming rate. Now as far as daughters are concerned, I tend to see the young sis. try to find a boyfriend that's more of father fiqure then a partner. Or they may even offer themselves sexually to any man that can show them the love an warmth that their father is suppose to show them.
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I.S.C. Reposted comment from May 29, 2009
Hey Dwight,
There is a book by a woman named Jonetta Rose Barras and I reference her in my book, “It’s Mama’s Fault!” In Jonetta’s book, “Whatever Happened to Daddy’s Little Girl? The Impact of Fatherlessness on Black Women,” she speaks from firsthand experience on the how it can negatively affect a woman’s life if left “unchecked.” I quote in my book, “The first man a woman should love is her father… When this figure is absent or not actively involved in the woman’s life, guess what fills the void? A clue: 95% of the time, quality ain’t it.” My book focuses on the damage to the male child and not the female but none-the-less, the psychological damage is tramatic.
My Brother, there is a lot of work that needs to be done, I have a plan and need help in implementing it on a National scale.
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I.S.C. Re-posted Comment from May 29, 2009 at 11:31pm
I can say that up until I was 11 years old there were 2 parents in my household but when domestic violence is involved you get a twisted sense of what marriage is supposed to be. I have been single all my life and I have a son I raised all by myself. I never talked about his father nor did I try and chase him down for child support. I felt like if he wanted to be a part of his life he would come around. I can see the effect of my son not having that strong male role model around and he missed out and is still missing out because his father passed away a couple of months ago. I was raised thru the important years of my life without my dad being a part of my life but I really didn't want him around after seeing all that mess. As I got older though, our relationship was reestablished and I love him dearly now but I believe that because of what I saw is what kept me single and raising my son alone. I don't feel that way anymore and I look forward to a life with someone when the time comes and I do wish I could have had that male role model in my sons' life when he needed one.
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I.S.C. Re-posted Comment from on May 29, 2009 at 11:32pm
I am going to say it depends on the mind set of the person. I came from a single parent home. However, my mother was raised by both parents prior to my grandfather passing. So you can't say all black women raised under this type of household are doomed. I am clearly not, I am a educated, childless, corporate American female who is waiting for her Prince Charming. My sons and daughters will not (with the grace of God) be in a one parent household. I want more for myself and as well as my future off springs.
Also, instead of us discussing the problem/issues, lets do something about it.
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I.S.C. Reposted comment from May 29, 2009
First off, the question will be if YOU will continue the cycle and time will tell. Just because you were not a teen mom doesn’t mean you are out of the woods yet! Whether you are in your 20’s or 30’s, the results will be the same if you decide to become a single parent. My background is as an Investment Banker, Business Consultant and Military Operative. In all three areas, it was paramount that we CLEARLY defined every problem before moving forward on resource (multi-million dollar) worthy solutions. Yes, I believe I have defined what the problem is (read the book, “It’s Mama’s Fault!”) and yes, I believe I have the solution. The only question we have now is how many people can help me implement it! Will you help me implement the solution to what I think is the problem? Hmmmm. We will see based upon YOUR actions. The ongoing discussions we are having are based upon people disagreeing on what exactly is the problem. My approach is using logic and statistical data to prove my point, not speculation or feelings. Until I can find willing participants all on the same page, we cannot move the ship forward on a local scale not to mention a national one! I have the curriculum but I need the financial resources, intellectual talent to teach it and facilities to house the programs. This is my plan, these are some of my challenges, what is your plan?
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I.S.C. Re-posted Comment from May 30, 2009 at 12:07am
Lex I don't believe that all fatherless women are doomed to repeat the cycle. I was born after 1970 originally to a husband and wife..my parents but due to mitigating circumstances, I was raised by a single mother. My father battled with his "demons" all the while my mother did her best to raise me. Having said all that...I knew what I wanted in a husband/father -of-my-child. Though my now husband already had two children when I met him but it was how he set the rules that told me he would be a great guy to have children with someday. Essentially, he said that he had two children (same mother) and that he was really feeling me but that if i couldn't accept his children then nothing was going on between us. I was floored and pleased by his statement but it set the tone for our relationship. Men need to set the tone concerning the care and upbringing of their offspring and women should be careful about which men they chose to not only sleep with but have children with too.
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I.S.C. Re-posted Comment from May 30, 2009 at 2:23am
Many will repeat, cause the child may model the same family structure that she was raised in. Conversely, she may yearn for what she never had and thus stop the cycle with her kids cause she understands the void of not having a father in her life. Fathers must understand how important they are to their daughters. She needs your affection first so she wont fall for the first guy who says something nice to her.
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I.S.C. Re-posted Comment from on May 30, 2009 at 3:48am
Here we go again! Doomed? Are you serious? You're basically blaming the BLACK mother and absolving the BLACK father. Are there not any single parents of other races? I grew up in a two parent home where my parents were married. They still are and have been for almost 45 years. Please hold your applause. It's simply a case of putting up with BS and settling for nothing. To put it bluntly and honestly, I wish that Negro had left. He was crazy, insecure, deranged, negative and abusive. Still, I have to admit I learned from living in that type of environment. I refused to be with a man, just to say my children had a father. What do you gain from being a doormat? Nothing? I agree that children should have stability and a positive relationship with their father, but what if he does not want to be a father? I ran track in high school, but there was no way I was about to chase my children's father down to make him be responsible. It is not that we are taught that we do not need men. I love men. The lesson learned is the love for yourself. It gives you strength to raise your child or children. What is wrong with that? Not all daughters raised by a single mother become a single mother. How ridiculous and stereotypical. My daughter is 24 and she is childless. My 17 year old son is too. I broke it down for them. I told them that there was no way I was going to help raise a baby after raising them. Yes, I kept it nice. Hell no. No excuses. Parents have to instill morals. Please stop pretending that the most stable children come from marriage. Yeah right.
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I.S.C. Reposted comment from May 30, 2009
Correct me if I’m wrong but you wrote that you came from a two parent household. The question is if your children will repeat the cycle of YOUR household! Great, they were/are not teen parents and that is one step. Let’s see if they can make it past their 20’s and 30’s without making that mistake. Also, if you would have read my other material (there’s no excuse since it’s free [if not online then at your local library]), you would understand that I don’t deal with absolutes because there are none! I deal with probabilities and as they pertain to this topic, I have some expertise and, Black Women fitting the aforementioned profile, it is out of control. I’m extremely happy that you raised some decent kids. Now, if you can multiply your efforts by a couple of million, the rest of the race my do as well. Daunting isn’t it? That is why we have a problem!
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I.S.C. Re-posted Comment from June 3, 2009 at 12:30am
That's your opinion. Unless you have done an extensive study or you lived in other people's households, that's exactly what it is YOUR opinion. I expressed my opinion, from my experiences. People have to be responsible for their own lives. That includes children. You cannot generalize and stereotype stating everyone's plight will be the same or doomed. You asked the question. I answered. I am done.
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I.S.C. Re-posted Comment from May 30, 2009 at 7:11am
Are the women doomed? No! The whole race is doomed. The stats show it, and actually its more likely that the male child will be the one most affected. The problem is the culture, we have set some low standards and expectations for ourselves as a race. We had to deal with consequences for our irresponsible behavior when I was a child. Having a child out of wedlock would get you banished from school, church and the community. I'm not saying that's the right thing to do, but we need to stop treating this issue with passivity. It's a serious problem. A child needs two parents to teach them both perspectives on life. The parent's could be any man or woman who will take these roles, if the natural parents aren't willing.
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I.S.C. Reposted comment from May 30, 2009
WHERE WERE YOU WHEN I WAS WRITING THE BOOK!!!!! You are dead-on, my Brother! This is the message I’m very passionate in getting out! I need more voices like yours to get the word out on a national scale in order to create a generational shift. Please read my other material (Book, other blogs, website [MamasFault.com]) and tell me what you think. I cannot do it by myself and need all the help I can get!
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I.S.C. Re-posted Comment from May 30, 2009 at 7:59am
Does this question really matter? As long as the family is structured, and love going forward. Not to mention the child is being well taken care of. Most of the time, the mother takes care of the household; but, it takes parent or parents to show love, and nuture children...I'm just sayin.
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I.S.C. Re-posted Comment from May 30, 2009 at 9:52am
I agree with ron and nikkirn although it appears that sistas are doomed who grow up fatherless it is
still required that they take responsibility for they're actions and make better choices as to who they
have relations with and kids with. As for the men, they must grow up and step up and take being
a father seriously because the welfare of they're kids depends on it. And finally, we need to bring back that sense of community within our community in order to turn this thing around. ONE LOVE.
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Thanks for your comment Bro! I agree with what women need to do but as it pertains to guys, it all comes down to how they were raised. I ain’t letting them off the hook but understand, a man is only as good as the environment from which he was raised (reference groups [p.150]). Please read the book, “It’s Mama’s Fault!” (MamasFault.com) for further clarification. Also, check out my other blogs on this topic. My God, believe me, if I thought the answer lied in transforming the Brother, I would dive in head first!!!! Through all of my research, that is not the solution (my opinion, yet a very well researched one!), our males are a symptom of a larger problem. Bro, download my free information and let me know if you think I’m crazy or not!
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I.S.C. Re-posted Comment from May 30, 2009 at 12:29pm
I will piggy-back if I may on Original man and Nikkim...women are doomed to the beds they make, not those that are made for them. If you were raised fatherless, then thats the bed that was made for you, we as women have the ability and strength to turn that around, make our own beds or choose to sleep on the floor, so to speak. Make your own decisions anbe willing to back that decision regardless of consequence or prize. Its a catch 22. I think my mother is a strong woman whose choice in a father for me and his weaknesses, made me fatherless, but I took of her strength and not of his weakness. We just have to make powerful, timeless and honest choices for ourselves....and pray God continues to hold us up.
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I.S.C. Re-posted Comment from May 30, 2009 at 1:02pm
It depends on the women involved, yes it can be harder to break the cycle. My dad was involved in my life, but it wasn't in the home (was married to someone else).
Everytime I hear these type of arguments that somehow involve two parent families vs. single families and we always hear about dsyfunctional marriages vs. healthy single family home. That is not a fair comparison and at times makes me cringe. Because on some levels it suggest healthy loving marriages can't or don't exist.
The fair comparsion would be a healthy loving single family home vs. a healthy loving 2 parent home (assuming parents are married).
If we are going to compare dsyfunctional 2 parent homes then it should be compared to dsyfunctional single family homes. Why does no one ever compare it this way?
Contrary to popular belief not every marriage is dsyfunctional and the woman is just putting up with BS just to have their kids in a 2 parent home. Some of us (myself included) actually have healthy loving marriages that we are raising our children in. I have seen dsyfunctional and unhealthy single parent homes just like I have seen dsyfunctional and unhealthy 2 parent homes. IMO none are good environments to raise a child. The hubby and I hope our 2 daughters will be able to find men who will love and respect them the way he loves and respects me.
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I.S.C. Re-posted Comment from May 30, 2009 at 2:11pm
It depends on alot of things. The person who is raising them and other influences that child might have during their growing up. And everyone don't learn by example, we have the ability to learn by example and from others mistakes, but many choose not to. I agree with Layla!
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I.S.C. Re-posted Comment from May 30, 2009 at 7:07pm
Fatherless, Not......My biological father was not and still not in my life or my siblings, much less his grandchildren. But he is doomed not, I. He misses out on seeing the bounty of blessings that we have recieved because we have FAITH and PRAY to OUR FATHER GOD everyday.
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I.S.C. Re-posted Comment from May 30, 2009 at 8:00pm
Women don't make the choice to have a fatherless child!
... that statement sounds like a broken record in the black community.
Fathers choose not to parent their children. You can choose the father, but you can't control if he parents. You let my daughter's father tell it, even my own Dad, they promised to be the best father in the world....and failed. My mother, nor I had any choice or decision making in these men FAILING as fathers. Being married, divorced, or unwed is not the determining factor in being a quality father. But us women, are sticking by our children whether we do good or bad. Being a mother is an appointment by God, being a father, the head of the family is an appointment by God also. Those who realize that do ok.
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I.S.C. Re-posted Comment from May 30, 2009 at 9:02pm
Can you normally tell before you (not you in particular) sleep with the dude that he is no good? Are there indicators that he is devoid of owning up to responsibilities before you begin to have children? I know some dudes might have some tight game but it's hard for me to believe that women don't know if the guy they are sleeping with has responsibility retardation. True women don't make the choice of a man to be a father but you have the choice to have unprotected sex with him knowing he is no good from the start.
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Thank you bro!!! I’m happy to hear that I’m not the only one who’s got a clue! If more people would read the book, “It’s Mama’s Fault!” (MamasFault.com) they may not be swayed over to the side of those who got-a-clue but they damn sure wouldn’t be able to deny the logic.
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I.S.C. Re-posted Comment from May 30, 2009 at 11:11pm
I believe it depends on how the single mom raises her. My dad was never around, I met him a few times, visited him in N.Y. for shopping purposes. I see what kind of person he is, and why would I want to deal with someone like him? My mom is a very strong person. She has taught me not to depend on anyone. I have a 6 year old, I left his dad when he was 2. We are civil, we have a lucrative agreement as far as child support between ourselves, our son's on his insurance. I only give him the benefit of the doubt because he tries. He works all the time because he has other kids to support too.
Hey, I made my bed, I laid in it, now I'm taking care of business.
So the answer to that question of the fatherless daughter repeating the cycle, is no. they should know better.
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I.S.C. Re-posted Comment from May 30, 2009 at 11:30pm
This would be a non issue if women just waited until marriage to have unprotected sex.
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I.S.C. Re-posted Comment from on May 31, 2009 at 1:02am
Mr. Knowledge,
Men are just as responsible as women in regards to having unprotected sex before marriage. In addition, couples who wait to have children until after marriage are not omitted from life's circumstances. Meaning that a married couple with children can have difficulties that result in that father leaving the home.
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I.S.C. Re-posted Comment from May 31, 2009 at 12:56am
I believe that the answer to this question is very complex to say the least. Fatherless black women are not "doomed" to repeat the cycle if they are aware of the cycle and the need for change. Women who grew up without their fathers know the significance of a father in their children's lives probably more so than those who grew up with their fathers. I never met my father and I found out years ago that this fact of my life attributed to how I viewed relationships. I was looking for the right things just in the wrong places. I was looking for someone to tell me that i was beautiful and speak life into me when that was my father's job. I learned this through soul searching and Jesus. As a result, no matter how bad my sons' fathers are acting I ensure that they are a part of their lives. I do not believe that a father has to be in the same household with their child in order to assist in rasing that child. In some instances, it is better for the parents to split rather than stay together. For instance, is it better for a father to stay in a home where he is unhappy with his mate and their is so much tension in the home that you could cut it with a knife? Will the children in that home not be negatively affected by these actions? If the couple, decides to stay together for the chilren what will they then do when the children are grown and out of the house? Will this not teach these children to resent marriage because of the experiences in their homes? Will that child be any less affected as an adult who finds out that their parents are divorcing?
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…look, I get tire of hearing the “feeling” excuse! I’m X-military and if my actions were dictated on how I felt every 5 minutes, guess what, nothing would get done!! The discipline is: You do want needs to be done (responsibility), irregardless of how you feel! PERIOD! If the father, in the home, married the mother and now he’s unhappy, to bad! He f@$# -up, now he just has to deal with it! For the kids, maybe they can get a first hand look at “what not to do” when they become adults. Hey! I cover this in the book, “It’s Mama’s Fault!” (MamasFault.com). Also, check out my other blogs. The answer is simple… not complex!
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I.S.C. Re-posted Comment from June 5, 2009 at 11:44am
Your statement that we learn from what we see, hear, feel is true..but not limited to those things that come from a father or a mother. How we learn to integrate those experiences in life are the critical areas. A fatherless family does not 'doom' any particular member to a negative life-style in, and of itself. However, combined with many factors outside the home, the fatherless child has to do some serious work, on their own, to supplement what is ASSUMED to happen in the intact home.
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I understand the outrage of Black fatherless. But to blame solely the mothers...I find this ridiculous. It takes two! Fathers must be at blame as well if not more so. Black fathers involvement in their children's lives is not up to bar. The entire Black family structure for the past couple of decades is indeed embarrassing. Every day of my life I have worked to ensure that I dent continue the cycle. I actually fear of the cycle to a point where I cannot pursue relationships with men, particularly Black men. That whole saying that "you marry/date your father" scares me. In fact, I am 22-years old and a virgin which many find hard to believe. I want to save until marriage but is this possible for a Black woman? BW barely get married better yet saving until marriage. Right now, I am simply freestylin as type. Some of this may not make sense or it may appear to be contradictory but I promise you its from the heart. As a college graduate BW from a single-parent home, I am full aware of the infamous cycle. My only fear is repeating it. I have done well so far in my life. I just hope that I remain on that path. I know in order for me pursue my ideal life that I must move from where I am. Life in a broken city has its impact on its citizens. I need to be a thriving area that appreciates my grow instead depreciating it. For I am the Concrete Rose that only few know of or care to know.
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first I want to thank everyone for their views.
We have to focused and brain storm to find solutions to this epidemic. I am a BW, and a mother of three daughters. TWO of them are teens teens, which is why I am passionate about this subject. I am a fatherless woman and feel motherless at times too. I am also a third generation teen mom. Needless to say, the odds were stacked up against me. I knew my kids needed a dad. I was taught that u
cant be a baby with a baby, so at 17 I played house, stayed with her dad who was twice my age. Had another child with him at 19. I wanted them them to have a daddy, but I learned the hard way. Be very careful of who u choose to have children with. I left with emotional problems from abuse. I felt my life was stagnant because of him. Year later I fell in love with the of my dreams. He was raised in a two parent home,handsome, family focused and sensitive. He went to college and grew up in step family situation. I couldn't wait to introduce to my mother. I figure if I picked a good man she would be proud of me and it would help our relationship. Well, 12 years later I am still with him but not married. See u can run but you can't hide from yr past. I wouldnt listen, I carried all my baggage from my previous relationship. I wasn't prepared for love and didn't know what consistent love looked like. I would go to my mother for advice, but she gave destructive advice. I had no one to turn to all my girlfriends are single parents. Hell, I wanted to join the club because I didn't feel like I deserved to be loved. I don't want my girls to walk my path so I am working on me. Dealing with my demons and staying prayed up. However, I know having a father would have increased my confidence.
We need to stop promoting the single family picture as being cool, stop being hateful to the childRen because their daddy isn't around and stop being jealous if they decide to take an different approach in raising their family. I think the issue of fatherless children is out of control, but the pressing issue is how to help single mothers raise confident,loving, productive children.
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I see what kind of person he is, and why would I want to deal with someone like him? My mom is a very strong person. She has taught me not to depend on anyone. I have a 6 year old, I left his dad when he was 2. We are civil, we have a lucrative agreement as far as child support between ourselves, our son's on his insurance. I only give him the benefit of the doubt because he tries. He works all the time because he has other kids to support.
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