Unwed Mothers, Do Not Read This!
What do you call a woman who…? Wwoe! I’m sorry, if you are an unwed mother, or the child of one, I again suggest that you don’t read any further because it will just piss you off! If you choose to continue, I, of course, am not talking about you or your Mama, I’m talking about the other person and their Mama. Now, whatever I call whoever, "Let’s Call It What It Is!" Shall we?
You can sugar coat the name of what you would call a woman who has done this, all you want. I’m going to be straight up and call a women, who chooses to follow through with such actions, a dumb-ass b****! Don’t think so? Well, check out this story and you tell me what you would call her. What would you do to avoid what I call "The Avoidable…?" Why are so many not avoiding inevitable catastrophes? Hmmmm.
Before beginning, understand that this is an analogous story. If you are unsure of what some of the phrases represent, refer to the legend at the end of the story. Enjoy but more importantly, do something about it!
CHOICES
PARTNER A hangs-out with PARTNER B. Any idiot can see that PARTNER B ain’t of the highest quality! PARTNER B drinks, smokes, uses drugs and has a stranglehold on the use of 4 letter words; PARTNER B never made it beyond High School (Hell, since we are on a roll, PARTNER B is a High School Drop out!). PARTNER B is tatted-up, unemployed (underground economics do not count, no matter how much money PARTNER B makes!), couldn’t speak in a complete sentences to save their life and can’t even spell "book" let alone read one! If PARTNER B hasn’t been in prison then PARTNER B is sure to eventually land there given the activities PARTNER B engages (underground economics). Oh, but wait a minute, I’m sorry! PARTNER B does have some high quality traits! PARTNER B is cute, wears all the "flyest" clothes and here’s the clincher… PARTNER B can Rap! Boy, I tell ya, who wouldn’t want to pass on those traits to the next generation! In case you didn’t catch that last jab at PARTNER B, I was being facetious.
Now, STOP RIGHT HERE!!! Do we need to go over the type of household PARTNER B grew-up in? Do you see a pattern here or am I the only one?! No one expects to raise a "PARTNER B type" but its amazing how unwed mothers have a tremendous, highly probable, track record of doing just that. PARTNER A has a chance to break the cycle right here by not linking-up with a loser but PARTNER A chooses not to!
None-the-less, PARTNER A still hangs-out with PARTNER B. PARTNER B is cool, all the homies "in the street" like PARTNER B and on top of it all, PARTNER B is nice to PARTNER A. Wow! What more could you ask for in a PARTNER B? To PARTNER A, PARTNER B can do no wrong and is wonderful (Of course, PARTNER A overlooks the fact that PARTNER B is dumb-as- F@$# and has the mental demeanor of a 17 year old)! PARTNER A is now so smitten by PARTNER B that PARTNER A engages in some of the same activities as PARTNER B.
Taking matters further, one day PARTNER B convinces PARTNER A they should rob a store together. PARTNER B swears up and down to PARTNER A that nothing will go wrong, that they will be right beside each other through the entire stint, that everything will be fine. In fact, things will be so fine that they will want to do it again and again into the conceivable (my word not PARTNER B’s; remember PARTNER B is illiterate) future. PARTNER A, caught-up in the moment, agrees to be a willing participant in robbing the store with PARTNER B.
STOP RIGHT HERE!!! Did PARTNER A have to move forward with that decision? Did PARTNER B put a gun to PARTNER A’s head? I do not think so. PARTNER A chose to participate. Was this a smart decision on PARTNER A’s part or a dumb-ass one? Email me later if you really want me to answer that question.
WHHOOOPPS! The robbery went terribly wrong; nothing went according to plan! I guess that is what PARTNER A gets for going along with the brilliant (again, if you didn’t catch it, I was being facetious) PARTNER B. All the precautions they thought (well actually, PARTNER A thought) were in place to prevent them from getting caught in the act were falsehoods from the get-go! To make matters worse, PARTNER B took off at the first sign of trouble, unannounced to PARTNER A! As PARTNER A was making a get-away, PARTNER A became surrounded by the authorities everywhere, caught red-handed, with the evidence from the robbery! A VERY small portion of the cash (PARTNER B got most of it), ALL the tools to break into the store, PARTNER A’s fingerprints all over the store and witnesses seeing only PARTNER A as the offender.
An interesting note: PARTNER A could have "dropped" everything when PARTNER A realized that PARTNER B was of no help in carrying some of the load up to, and during, the robbery. Daaaahh! If PARTNER A could not see that PARTNER B was not available for basic assistance with the load, coupled with PARTNER B’s other traits as a loser then why the hell proceed with the robbery? Hhuuummm, again, these are not the actions of a smart person. What was the term I used earlier, to describe this type of person? Hint, the word smart was not in the phrase.
The authorities take PARTNER A downtown to ask questions about what happen. PARTNER A screams to high heaven that PARTNER B was an accomplice. And you know what? PARTNER A is absolutely right but PARTNER B is not in custody, PARTNER A’s stupid ass is. However, accomplice or not is neither here nor there because it was PARTNER A’s stupid ass caught with all the evidence, it will be PARTNER A’s stupid ass that will go to prison, sentenced to 18 years to life for a crime PARTNER A could have avoided but chose not too!
This is not the worst of it. The "crime" that PARTNER A’s stupid ass committed ("created") is not just PARTNER A’s problem. Being shortsighted and not too bright did not realize that it is now all of our (society’s) problem. It’s all of our problem because those of us who were doing what we were suppose to do (getting an education, in order to obtain a real job, to pay taxes and support a family) will now be forced to take care of (through working people’s tax dollars) this "crime" we were smart enough to avoid but PARTNER A was to stupid to articulate!
PARTNER A could have had their sentence commuted to "time served" if PARTNER A only admitted that they f@%# -up but instead kept blaming everyone else for the "crime" they could have avoided thus holding on to the "crime" for life. The "time served" would still be a felony, but sealed by the courts and revealed to no one except by PARTNER A if PARTNER A ever desired to do so. Okay, the "crime" has been committed, let the downward cycle continue! Now, in looking at PARTNER A and PARTNER B, how would you rank the quality of what they produced? Any bets on if this "crime" will repeat the cycle?
For all those who say, "PARTNER B is also guilty and should now take responsibility for this ‘crime’ after-the-fact," I say, "chew on this" for a second! Yea, PARTNER B is guilty too but it was not PARTNER B’s stupid ass holding all the evidence and forced to take a bid for their actions. Any intelligent person could see that PARTNER B is irresponsible and a loser from the beginning. It would be totally naive and foolish to believe that trash, of "PARTNER B’s type," are now going to do a miraculous 180° turn and become responsible, law abiding, citizens! Are there occurrences of such possibilities happening? Of course there are but I’m not stupid enough to wear my knees out in believing that hoping, wishing and praying, AFTER-THE-FACT, is the way to solve problems. Also remember that PARTNER B is the product (a tremendous probability) of a "PARTNER A type" who could have eliminated the PARTNER B from the beginning if that "PARTNER A type" was smart! That "PARTNER A type" chose to continue the f@$# -up cycle! Does anyone see a pattern here?
Isn’t it strange how so many PARTNER A’s are now "Saved," AFTER-THE-FACT, find Jesus and the church to help them, certainly not all but a lot? What was PARTNER A looking for before the illegitimate kid came along? I betcha it wasn’t Jesus and the church!
LEGEND
PARTNER A - The Woman
PARTNER B - The Loser (Guy)
The "crime" - The bastard child
The Store - Society as a whole
The Stolen Money - Represents a good time: the Loser-a lot; the Woman-a little or none
The Evidence - PARTNER A’s pregnancy
Robbing - Yes, "PARTNER A" & "PARTNER B" have sex but it is PARTNER A that DECIDES to GIVE BIRTH AND KEEP the child thus draining Society through government social programs; "Robbing" the taxpayers.
"Dropped" - Abortion
The 18yr. Sentence - The legal release age of parental obligations
The Authorities - Social Workers and other Government Agencies
The Witnesses - Taxpaying Citizens
"Time Served" - Putting the child up for Adoption.
The whole purpose of the previous story is to illustrate that if PARTNER A is dumb enough to hook-up with a PARTNER B, PARTNER A should get what PARTNER A deserves especially when the signs are clear! Stupid people get what stupid people deserve. If PARTNER A is not able to identify the fallacies of a PARTNER B then PARTNER A should smack PARTNER A’s Mama for not providing a role model (a.k.a. a father in the household) or at least an example of what not to become in the form of a deadbeat dad.
Now, if you are a woman and respond that you did not have the role model in the household or thanking God for not having the in-house deadbeat dad examples to reference then that’s fine! This epiphany should be a glaring red flag of pertinent information, to any half-whited person not to mention an intelligent one! This red flag should tell you that you are not qualified to get into a relationship, without some serious reconditioning, because you did not come from a background, with any experience, where one succeeded. This same red flag should be telling you that you definitely shouldn’t procreate (right now) because garbage (experiences) begets garbage (outcomes) and one cannot teach what one does not know! What are you going to teach a child, as it pertains to relationships? How to succeed in viable family structure based on all the years you experienced growing-up in one? If you did not growing-up in one, you will more than likely teach (subconsciously) the child, by default, how to F@$# -up the next generation, just as your parents did before you. Now, does anyone see a pattern here?! The cycle breaks and stops with you, not everyone else… YOU!
Usually, I’m not one to give up on people but in this case, it’s too late for change. It’s too late for unwed mothers and their adult children to change their mindset, or attitude about illegitimate births, and how that negatively affects society as a whole because this is the only life they have known. How can you expect someone to change life directions voluntarily, sacrificing for the greater good, when it causes a tremendous amount of pain? I don’t expect it, do you? It takes a very special person to mustard up that selfless courage. The average person is not willing, let alone a mother, to endure that type of pain and suffering; it would destroy them. Taking on that level of responsibility would be like the Pilot of a F15 Fighter Jet attempting to do two, instant, 90° turns, at Mach 1. Unless there has been a change in the laws of physics, I am unaware of, that type of dramatic shift would destroy the aircraft just as a dramatic psychological shift would mentally cripple a Human Being! The damage is done, psyches are crystallized and unwed mothers do not have an interest in changing the status quo. To do so would destroy their ego and compromise their parental credibility with their children. All their years of "Saving Face" (a method of psychological protection [denial] to try to keep from looking stupid [pain] to their children or to society as a whole) would be for not and seen as a lie. Again, the average mother is not willing to endure that type of pain. However, if the rest of us, who do not have illegitimate children, can internalize what I am attempting to convey here then, maybe together, we can alter the mindset of the next generation. Altering their minds to such a degree that they will reject this blatant, selfish, disregard for the future prosperity of our race, community, society and, oh yea, the child.
I believe in eliminating toxic problems before they start. You may interpret the previous statement any way you like (the man, the new life, the women, etc.). Whichever way you decide (yea, you do have choices… it’s amazing isn’t it!), at the end of the day, there is nothing toxic to take care of because there is nothing toxic created (the relationship, sex, pregnancy, birth, etc.). What a concept! You would think more people would look into it!
To all the women out there still wondering, "WHAT!" let me put it to you this way. DON’T KEEP COMPANY WITH LOSERS! My mother told me a statement that her mother told her long before she married my father. My grandmother told her, "It is just as easy to fall in love with a rich [not just in financial terms] man as it is with a poor man. So do yourself a favor and keep company with people of that measure." Acknowledging another person’s presence, without the need to associate with them on a frequent basis, is still being cordial without being snooty. Otherwise, if you lay down with dogs you get…. Birds of a feather, flock…. If you hangout with _______ then you will end up a _______ subconsciously just by association.
So, if the man ain’t worth sh** then what does that make you… by association? If it takes your not having sex with him and, God forbid, getting pregnant by this loser then, damn-it, that’s what you gotta do!! When you choose to do these things anyway than I MUST refer to you as the term I used in the opening paragraphs because intelligent people see the long-term affects today instead of trying to find Jesus, AFTER-THE-FACT, later!
SOLUTION
One way to solve this problem before it starts is to imbed into little girls psyche that being a "PARTNER A" is stupid-as-hell. When the little girl becomes older and encounters a "PARTNER B type," PARTNER B’s profile is so far off the radar of what a quality partner encompasses that a PARTNER B won’t even get the time of day!
Okay, with all that said, what’s the obstacle? MAMA! Mama ain’t going to tell the daughter this because that will make Mama look stupid and we’ve already established that Mama has too much pride to do the right thing! It can be everyone else’s fault except Mama’s Fault! Yea, right! If you get this issue out the way, you may have a chance. I’m taking suggestions.
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7/27/2009 1:26 AM
Its Mamas Fault, Poor Decisions, Unwed Mothers, Illegitimate Births, Abandoned Children, Awareness wrote:
How did he get this way? Who allowed it to happen? ...as it pertains to the quality of that MALE...: 1-Who raised him and; 2-In what environment?
I.S.C. Re-posted Comment from June 2, 2009 at 5:09pm
Any words of wisdom for the fathers that each one of your statistics? Apparently in your world the man has no responsibility for his actions.
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Yea, I have some advise, "Guys, just say NO!" How's that? I don't care whose book you read, the woman is in complete control! Steve Harvey's book, Barbara DiAngeles or "It's Mama's Fault!" What part of the COMPLETE blog didn't you read? If the loser's Mama DECIDED to take control, way back when, the loser (guy) would have never been born! See a pattern here?
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I.S.C. Re-posted Comment from June 2, 2009 at 9:18pm
I've read several of your blogs. You have issues.
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I've got issues? Oh yea? What might they be? How would you suggest I resolve them? Should I "off" myself? These are just some of the questions I have for you! In the mean time, I'll just crawl into a hole and hold my breath until you rescue me from myself! Also in the mean time, make sure all the Unwed Mothers of the country UNITE to kill off all the evil Lex Dras's of the world!
SERIOUSLY!
This is a forum for dialogue. What's on your mind and what do see as the problem to our race's situation circling into a downward spiral of our very existence? I think I know what it is and I articulated it in the form of a book. Please, pick apart my logic; tell me where I am flawed. I will be excruciatingly happy to debate you on this topic. The point is: I DON’T KNOW EVERYTHING! I require input from all directions to piece together solutions but when people babble-on and get emotional, nothing constructive gets done for the masses! The current book is the result of a lot of irrefutable information. The next one will have more! We as Black people can deny this F@$# -up problem of ours all we want but it ain’t going away! There will be casualties, there will be pain but that’s what we need to go through in order to get this dilemma of ours fixed! Again, tell me where I am wrong, I welcome it!
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I.S.C. Re-posted Comment from June 3, 2009 at 9:11pm
Castration could be another resolution...of men. There are far more women who try to parent, successfully or not, more than your average man. Marriage does not result in a complete turn around of character. The break-down in black society is primarily the defeat of black men. Many black men are cowards, and that pattern began in married households where black men accepted defeat. Feeling powerless to everyday struggles (same as when he was shackled in slavery) his spirit was damaged. His character redefined to weakness. The male left his place heading the family, turning his back on his own seeds. He thought (thinks) strength is only measured by force totally confused to value and the true essence of a man.
You are absolutely right, it's Mama's fault. Mama constantly has faith in men, obviously more faith than the man has for himself. Mama should have been able to recognize, the obviously weaker of the two sexes, was not competent for fatherhood. Mama should understand that abortions are in place for a reason, therefore it should be used in the event birth control wasn't or in the event she wakes up to realize that your average boy is unable to ever become a MAN, and will forever remain an adult boy.
Maturity is such a beautiful place.
I've never understood those people who need to put someone down in order to build themselves up. It's obviously a sad, sad place to enjoy your life at the expense of others. Needless to say one day you will find yourself eye to eye staring at reciprocity.
Understand that your burden to bare is not mine nor vice versa.
Peace!
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Renée, I appreciate your comments. I must agree with you about the total decline of the Black Male; yea, stop procreating! I explain WHY this occurs and from WHERE it starts in my book. I sincerely believe that if we are to turn this downward spiral around, certain actions MUST take place. Please understand that it is not my intent to put the PERSON down but the DECISIONS MADE. Let’s stop holding people’s hands and sugar coating everything to curtail the bitterness of the issue before us! The difference between ignorance and stupidity is that an ignorant person just does not know. A stupid person knows but still does it anyway! In our society, we know the problems that occur with kids raised in a fatherless home but still do it. That’s call a dumb-a** Mo**** F***** or, as I call a woman in the story, a dumb-a** b****. PERIOD! Again, we need to stop tip-toeing around the issues to keep from hurting someone’s feelings and lay out the TRUTH!
You seem like an intelligent woman so you know this issue has plagued our race for quite some time now. You also know there have been others long before me, making failed attempts to identify correctly the problem thus not making any significant impact on solving it. I have learned that when you force people to personally take a hard look at themselves as opposed to using a general reference, you make it real for that person and not arbitrary. Like you, I’m sure there are many people who will say, “Damn, what’s up with that M***** F*****?” Let me assure you, I am perfectly fine. I can take and endure all the criticisms, hate and denial in order to get people to face the truth before us. THE TRUTH HURTS (pg. 70 of “It’s Mama’s Fault!”)! Please download my free material to explore further. If you can remember, they tore Bill Cosby apart for speaking the TRUTH! I can only imagine what they will do to me and that’s okay! If that is what it will take to stir-up a whole lot of mess to get the race’s attention then so be it. I’m not in it for a popularity contest. Bring It! Oh yea, tell others to do the same!
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I.S.C. Re-posted Comment from June 4, 2009 at 12:36am
The man, if he is a man, should take his role in the family. He is supposed to be the covering. Pick any research you want, but any time a man will stand up and take his rightful place as head of his household (protecting and caring for it) then the children coming from that household will stand a better chance in the world. You keep highlighting the fact that women are single and raising children because they don't say no. I am single and raising four children and I waited until I had my degree and was married before I had any one of them. Trust me, the fact that I was married doesn't make parenting any easier. Their father was there and cut some of the umbilical cords for them, and still he floats in and out. At least the single moms are there and doing what the father may or may not be doing. I'm not sure what the purpose was for your blog, but you may need to seek some counseling. You are way to harsh on the wrong person. (The one who is taking responsibility for the sake of the innocent child.) Why do you think a man is absolved of responsibility because she says "yes"?
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...let me see If I can break-it-down for ya.
I am about to be long winded people so buckle in.
This is all predicated on IF the man was raised right. You are ABSOLUTELY RIGHT about the quality of the children IF a man is in the household to assist in raising his children. When not present, there is an obvious difference 98% of the time (pg.149 of “It’s Mama’s Fault!”). I agree, a man has to be a man but, PLEASE, understand that MEN ARE NOT BORN, THEY ARE MADE. They are not just made from the genetic material of a man and female but from the environment that nurtures them. If this environment is toxic (the streets or Mama’s hatred toward the father), guess what, so will the psyche of the child, thus the man. You are also right that marriage is no guarantee of successful offspring but check out this statistic. When a child is raised in a college educated, two-parent, household, that child has a 75% chance to making it to adulthood and becoming a productive member of society. By contrast, if a child is born to an unwed mother, with no education, they have a 2% chance of making it to adulthood and becoming a productive member of society. Now, if someone approached you at the beginning of your relationship and presented this information, one, would you have remained with the loser YOU selected and, two, let alone had children with him? An intelligent person would say… NO. So why would you do it? The answer is because you did not know. Well, why didn’t you know? You didn’t know because either you were not taught this growing-up or because you were just to stupid to listen. Either way, you cannot teach what you do not know or unwilling to learn!
About parenting, no one said that parenting is easy! It’s been said that it is the most difficult job in the world next to being the President of the United States of America. I say that marriage is more difficult. Here’s why. When your kid messes-up, that is part of YOUR genetic make-up so you can’t so easily brush it off and walk away from it. When a spouse becomes a real hassle that genetic bond isn’t there so it is easier to “cut it loose.” Holding on to something that you don’t have to, to make it work for the greater good, can be one of the most excruciatingly painful experiences known to man!! My hat is off to those of you who have put up with all the B.S. and endured such pain. If people were forced to REALLY understood this from the beginning (again, this is learned as a child…), I am tremendously certain that the divorce and the births to unwed mother rates would dramatically change.
Let’s look at YOUR selection of the man YOU chose to father all four of your children. Was this man of the same high quality as your father, in your two-parent household, growing up? Now, this is all presuming that ALL FOUR share the same father and if YOUR father was even present (in the household) during your childhood. Look lady, I don’t know you or your complete situation... PLEASE CONTINUE ON THE NEXT ENTRY
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CONTINUED FROM THE PREVIOUS ENTRY... because everyone is different. However, I can take a wildly educated guess and say that NONE OF THE AFOREMENTIONED POINTS are the case (…is the father of ALL your children; father in the household)! The point I am making is that you were not forced to procreate and continue the cycle. You CHOSE to give birth to your children and just like I said in the story, guess what is going to happen (with all probability) with your children.
A man absolved of his responsibilities because a woman said “yes?” He** NO!! But let me clarify something for ya. Guys are stupid and are always looking for the weakest link where they can “get some!” Women, you MUST be smarter than them and not give them that opportunity. Here is a I.S.C. comment I made on someone’s blog to explain my point:
Guys are dogs. I know because I am one! They will try to get whatever they can so don’t let them. Okay, just think of a regular, 4 legged dog. Any aggressive dog will “try you” at some point and when that time comes, you’ve got to stand your ground and show him who’s boss, no matter how scared you are or fear of losing the F***er! If you don’t, you get what you deserve and I’m telling you, that ain’t going to be pretty!
I don’t care whose book you read, it will tell you that WOMEN ARE IN CONTROL! Whether it is Harvey, DiAngeles, Dr. Laura or, yours truly, Drás, they will say you have command of the situation and when you relinquish it, there is NO ONE TO BLAME BUT YOURSELF!
I am about to get vulgar so if you do not want to be offended, I suggest you turn away! Here it goes…
If you don’t let him F*** you then you can’t get pregnant!!! If he has got that good D*** and you just can’t say no then don’t let your stupid a** get pregnant… STUPID! He**, there are FIVE AVOIDABLE MISTAKES, I just named two. WOMEN!!!!!! YOU CONTROL THIS!!! If you cannot properly evaluate a guy then don’t play the game… I know a lot of you are saying, “Yea, Right!” Okay, fair enough. I just got one last thing to say and that is… F*** -it, who cares anyway!! If you do, go read my other blogs or better yet, the book!
Don’t give him none and there won’t be none. It doesn’t take an Einstein for that one.
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I.S.C. Re-posted Comment from June 4, 2009 at 8:53pm
.....wow!
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I.S.C. Re-posted Comment from June 4, 2009 at 10:37am
Not that im co-signing with Lex but I believe his question is why would you sleep with a man that's obviously messed up? Again, this is just what i get from what he wrote. I think some of you are going to deep....it seems quite simple....if a man that you meet is jacked up(unemployed, broke, etc) why make the "choice" to lay with him? Everyone knows there's chance of pregnancy when you have sex....how's that decision process work?
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I.S.C. Re-posted Comment from June 4, 2009 at 11:01am
And if your answer is "I didnt know he was like that when we first met" then why wouldn't you wait until you knew him before having sex with him?
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I.S.C. Re-posted Comment from June 4, 2009 at 12:25pm
Lawrence some men have jobs and aren't broke and they still don't man up. A man needs to be a man in every respect. This isn't even a black man problem, it's all races and walks of life.
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Simple, because people who say "i didn't know he was like this" thought they knew him and ended up realizing they didn't when it was too late. Besides, there are lots of reasons why men may turn out to be immature or cowards and i find it too easy to say that all men who end up being immature cowards or jerks come from single parent households, this is obviously not the case.
When the guy you thought you knew turns out to be everything but what you thought he was, you aren't to be blamed or called stupid like Lex does because you did evaluate the guy and had kids with the guy you though he was, not the guy he is.
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I.S.C. Re-posted Comment from June 5, 2009 at 1:23am
Lex, you come off as somewhat intelligent, though opinionated. You fail to realize that for all those statistics there are exceptions. If you read my response I stated that he was there for all of the births and cut some of their umbilical cords. That would mean he was the father of all of my children. We both went to college and grew up with our parents. (As did their parents) My husband developed a condition called manic depression (he was bipolar). Tell me what would have given me a clue that he would become ill? I endured a great deal with him, but for the sake of the children, I had to move on. You may think that children that are raised in a dysfunctional home with both parents do best, but I'm guessing you wouldn't have a clue since you probably have none. As for my children whom I pray for daily and invest myself in completely, they are honor roll students. (This year my preteen did struggle, but that isn't unusual for his age.) They are constantly talking about their futures. We are already looking into which college offers what programs. The oldest is fifteen. I don't teach them to live their lives according to a statistic because you can make the choice to be the exception at any time. You describe their father as a loser, but we have lived with his illness and the children understand well that he does love them, but he is ill. They don't resent him and neither do I. He gave me four of the most precious things I'll ever have. And just for the hell of it, what statistics come into play when rich, white, well-educated kids mess up? Point being, we all have to choose our path, no excuses. I do think that you have to make better choices to give your children a fair chance, but for those chidren who come from not so great choices, I am not prepared to write them off.
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I.S.C. Re-posted Comment from June 5, 2009 at 6:49am
Let me correct myself. I was raised by mom and natural father till 5 years old. Mom remarried a little over a year later. He raised me as his own. He planted gardens with me, played hide and seek with me, took walks with me and listened to my secrets. Does this fit another statistic if the father in the home is a stepfather?
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I love the way you express the story. It was so interesting. It gives you set of time to realize and internalize the situation. Kudos for a job well done!
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This article has solved a great problem for me, it explains why there is a wesite called prisontalkonline.com or PTO for short. Every woman on there has either "hooked up" with a prison thug or wants to have one's baby as soon as she can. Yes, he's serving 891 years for rape and murder but he's so cute!
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Interesting. For all your analogies,rants---you failed to mention at any point: accountability, responsibility, humility or honor. I guess all these illegitimate bastard children and their stupid bitch mothers (who from your description are draining the welfare system because it's impossible for them to be college educated, once married or well-off women raise children on their own without public assistance) should just kill themselves and resolve to a life of crime, murder and shame. You have an extremely distorted, stereotypical, misogynist and ignorant view on the roles of black women and black men as a whole. There are NO victims but the child, if you choose to adopt that mentality. Being raised in a two-parent house-hold does not guarantee a successful child, no more than being raised by a single parent guarantees a at-risk youth. And what about single fathers? How does that play into your "It's Mama's fault" rhetoric? You need to mature and be very careful about all the stones in your glass house you seem so feel "privileged" to throw.
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Riley,
I TREMENDOUSLY APPLAUD YOUR ENTHUSIASM! I have so much more respect for someone who voices their opinion in an articulate manner than one who goes into an emotional tirade (that’s not you… is it?) or worse, says nothing. However! I gotta ask, did you read the Book? Based on this Blog’s response, we both already know the answer to that question! NO!
You are absolutely right that “There are NO victims but the child….” Well, Dahhh! Since we all already know this then why does “she” allow it to happen? “…distorted, stereotypical…?” Is there any Truth in the story I wrote as it applies to you?
I must say that you are also absolutely right in that “Being raised in a two-parent house-hold does not guarantee a successful child, no more than being raised by a single parent guarantees a at-risk youth” but there are such things as probabilities.
You, however, have definitely misinterpreted my view as you put it “…that perpetuate the cycle that it's okay for black men to abandon their roles as fathers.” I have extreme contempt for men who have children in one household where they are not raising the child but live in another with possibly other offspring.
All of these things are issues I discuss in the Book.
I have written a number of different pieces that I AM CERTAIN you have not read because if you did, your accusation that, “[I] need to mature…” would surely be different. What I have written basically comes down to what you mentioned in the opening lines of your response. “…accountability, responsibility, humility [and] honor” but what I would add… on the part of a woman; Everything starts and ends with her. As the old adage goes, “You wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for your Mama!” So begs to reason that it was HER DECISION for you being here as well as The Crap “she” puts out into society to repeat the cycle.
My entire purpose for the Book, “It’s Mama’s Fault! Poor Decisions Psychologically Damaging the Male Child” is to bring into the light the UGLY TRUTH and, of course, Single Moms with bastard children aren’t going to like it! It is through that AWARENESS that we can begin to move towards PREVENTION. This cannot happen until the one entity responsible for the DECISION owns-up and says, “Yes, I dropped the ball BUT I refuse to allow the next generation do the same!” As long as a mother’s Ego and her trying to “save face” continue, the horrible statistic of 80% of Black households headed by one parent, over 98% of which are female, will become more, to use your word, Pathetic.
Look, I love the dialog but how many of your contemporary’s feel the same way you do? Would they support your vantage-point? Why? Would you like to get $1,000 for your opinion? If so, there is a nation wide contest kicking-off July 1, 2010 called “’SHOP’ Talk about Mama’s Fault.” There will be 5 $1,000 prizes (July - November) given to the Best Opinions, voted on by the public, all on Face Book. It won’t be me judging but people nationwide judging your opinion. You MUST obtain the SHOP Owner’s contest code in order to register and to be able to submit your opinion. Just visit your favorite Beauty Salon, Barber Shop, Coffee House, Book Club, etc. to get it. If your favorite SHOP is not registered for the contest, they can simply call 888-98-LIGHT to obtain a Promo Kit and Contest Code. There is NO PURCHASE NECESSARY but you will need to reference the Book when expressing your views. This requirement assures that everyone is talking about the same thing and not everyone off on their own tangent.
Can your opinion standup to that scrutiny? Go register and see! You’ve got nothing to lose except possibly … your ego! Remember, ego is why we are in this predicament to begin with!
The information is readily available so there is no excuse for not reviewing it!
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Phone Order? Call 888-98-LIGHT
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Online Order? Go to MamasFault.com or Amazon.com
eBook? Use Amazon’s Kindle or get the PDF from MamasFault.com’s Download page
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Want it free? Go to your local library for the Book, the MamasFault.com Download page or use Google Books to access sections.
Radio Contest. Follow Lex Drás on Twitter to win free copies from upcoming Radio interviews.
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Also---it's irresponsible blogs and opinions like yours, that perpetuate the cycle that it's okay for black men to abandon their roles as fathers. If you want to serve as any kind of "help", try mentoring some of these "loser" guys or writing books/blogs on manhood. But I presume---that would be too much like right. It's much easier to bitch and moan and blame women---yeah---way to go for making an argument as a Black Man. Pathetic.
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And you even have the gall to bring Jesus into the insanity of this judgmental gibberish. I pray that MY God, who is a forgiving God has mercy on your soul for ALL your fallacies and transgressions. I guess single mothers, should resign to being heathens to as they are not worthy of a relationship with Christ. How dare you, with such insensitivity and ignorance write such trash and actually stand convicted that what you say is some theory of right. You sound like a feminized homosexual male who because of your own hang-outs and scanted experiences with male/female relationships---think you hold some candle to the evolution of the black family. When in fact, you represent the ignorant perspectives that make up the real "breakdown" in our communities. Shame on you. Anyone who agrees or supports you---also must have a very limited view on what "really" takes places in heterosexual relationships.
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I must say it takes a lot to not involve my emotions in a topic, that I am very passionate about. I was raised in a two-parent household (biological parents) and they are still married to this day! (30 years) and I made all kinds of "mistakes" that would place me in the "probability" and statistic range. So, that's why I can't agree nor support charted demographic research, because it is bias. It targets specific types of people (cases) and then compares and contrasts the similar "mistakes" of that particular study group. It is inaccurate, it is controlled and it is not factious.
Also, who are you to presume that "some" of these single stupid bitch mothers haven't accepted with humility that they put themselves and a child in a compromising situation by reproducing with a cowardly male? That is purely presumption. Single mothers find your blog, reasoning offensive because it is pervasive in stereotyping an unwed mother, as some uneducated, selfish dunce; who after becoming pregnant never bounced back and continued onto a successful life path for her and her off-spring. But that she instead is standing around cursing out her child about his "no good daddy" while they wait for their WIC vouchers at the health department.
You are correct, I haven't read your books or other entries, but stumbling across this blog---cease my motivation to do so. Your analogy was logical. I will give you that. But you failed to incorporate any human fallacies which Person A or Person B, could be personified beyond simple details.
If you want to advocate strong black families, with two parent households---then emphasize absentness. Emphasize real dating, ie; getting to know yourself truly before trying to get to know someone else. Instead of advocating that women should just innately have clear discernment on the "fatherly male" and if she happens to get knocked up by a loser---then to go get rid of it.
I agree that there are far too many single mothers out here. And far too many deadbeat dads. But my focus isn't on the prevention once it's already a bridge crossed---but moreso on the accountability and responsibility of both parents. Beyond a single mothers bruised ego---where does she go from there? Beyond a deadbeat dads excuses, where does he mature and become selfless enough to support his off-spring? It's too late too preach about prevention at that point.
But yes, childless men and women need to master themselves FIRST, before mating. How is that accomplished? It's dependent on that individuals own intuitiveness of self. It has nothing to do with how they were or weren't raised---it is a call of there own inherent responsibility as a human.
BTW---I am a 27-year-old, BLACK woman. I am currently 38 weeks pregnant, by a BLACK man whom I thought I knew after 3 years but he abandoned me at 4 weeks pregnant. I have an accredited Bachelor's in Print Journalism, a career, a supportive family and I am having a son. I am blessed, optimistic and ego-less.
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